Sexo&Cidade

There is something magical about São Paulo and its inhabitants. Some say it’s the Brazilian diversity. Others attribute it to the legacy of the thousands of immigrants who have contributed to this city’s pillars. However, what you find here goes far beyond what is seen elsewhere. There is something particular and intriguing about the people who transit daily through the metropolis.

Once you set foot here, you will be led to choose your tribe, which will significantly reflect who you are and what you do. Your garments will clearly indicate which part of the city you belong to, and the tattoos on your body will reveal the story you are willing to share. You will notice that nobody resembles anyone else, yet everyone shares something in common.

The subcultures here are numerous and have also blended and created new ones. It is expected to see a group of people embodying characteristics of one niche while incorporating elements from another, such as the skateboarders at Praça Roosevelt who listen to Brazilian Funk music, the hippies at Paulista Avenue who enjoy Café Latte, the GenZ individuals who temporarily abandon their phones to engage in intimate encounters in Liberdade, and the Faria Limers who hold faithful to their ideology.

I have never seen myself as part of a tribe or belonging to a subculture. For instance, I have never seen myself as a fashion enthusiast, but I always come across something here, and there that keeps me abreast of this universe. I have always enjoyed moving my body and expending as much energy as possible, yet I am far from being an athlete. I prefer frequenting alternative places, but the places I visit are standard for the real alternatives.

Lost in thought about the city after a long run in Ibirapuera Park, I overheard a conversation between two individuals who seemed oblivious to their volume. The duo spoke loudly as I savoured my 300ml of coconut water, leaving me no option but to listen in on their conversation. During their dialogue, the woman seated with a dog beside her uttered something that caught my attention. In an attempt to conclude the discussion with her companion, she stated: “Birds of a feather flock together.”

This proverb is nothing new to me. Since a very young age, I have heard people repeat it as an absolute truth. However, at that moment, I felt a pang of curiosity that led me to question its veracity. Do the people we associate with and their actions define who we are? Are we a reflection of those around us, or do we attract people who share the same ideas as us?

According to Jim Rohn – a coach masked as an American author – an individual is the average of the five people they spend the most time with. Actions, stances, and even habits are shaped by the reality you are surrounded by. Thus, the likelihood of developing characteristics or opinions similar to those in one’s close circle is relatively high.

As I delved into my thoughts, I received a call from Andrew. It had been a few days since our last conversation. Our contact had significantly reduced since the time zone changed to a four-hour difference. Whenever he tried to call me, I was still asleep, and when I attempted to get in touch, he was getting ready for bed. But that day, there was no reason why we couldn’t talk.

As we caught up on recent events, we realized much had unfolded in just a few weeks. News that seemed old to me was still fresh to him. Andrew shared about his return to London after a tour in his home country. 

Since he unexpectedly had to spend some time in Poland, he noticed that his perspective had shifted. Within a few days, it became apparent that he had left some of himself behind to fit into the reality of the United Kingdom.

Like São Paulo, London is home to inhabitants from various corners of the world. Situated at the heart of the globe, it is home to individuals from all continents, particularly from the European Union. Although the capital maintains its ancient traditions and is structured around a partially Monarchic government, the people there actively shape new cultures that keep the city thriving.

From what I gathered in my conversation with Andrew, he was drained by the routine in Britain. Everything he did had lost meaning, and even the people he interacted with made him feel disconnected. Of course, this didn’t happen overnight; it was a process until he realized he no longer found fulfilment in life and had to change.

I asked if he believed he was shaped by those close to him. He agreed that it is almost impossible not to be influenced as we develop a social life from our social group. He mentioned that it was like having friends who love art and habitually visit galleries and museums. You may not know much about it, but as you spend time with these individuals, you absorb aspects of their reality and automatically enter it.

Upon hearing his words, everything seemed very obvious to me. We are like sponges constantly absorbing what comes our way; without contact with something, it is nearly impossible to know it exists. Yet, I needed help comprehending whether our surroundings have any autonomy.

Still unclear, I hung up the call and left the house. I walked a few blocks until I reached Avenida Paulista. Passing by the stairs of Cásper Libero University, I saw the communication students dividing themselves into groups around the building. At that moment, like an insight, I could address my questions.

Like teenagers, we crave belonging, being part of something, and sharing our ideas and desires. Initially, we get lost in people who don’t make much sense to us, as we still need to gain the repertoire to know what we genuinely like and who we really are. As time passes, we start filtering and, consequently, knowing ourselves better. From that point, we connect with people who make sense to us at that moment.

Despite the influence, this does not change our essence. What lies within every individual is unique. We can explore new things and venture into territories we never imagined. Yet, this does not define who we are but manifests what we are experiencing now. What reflects in others is what we have within ourselves.

A.M.