Sexo&Cidade

In the modern world, we adorn ourselves with clothing that reflects the latest fashion trends to bring greater authenticity to our ensembles. However, despite the apparent sophistication, we still carry a wild creature that yearns for all that makes us feel alive. According to the writer Clarissa Pinkola, no matter how much society may have tried to domesticate us, that force will continuously pulse within us. Some may call it reaction, others instinct. Yet, this hunger brings us creativity, nourishes our desires, and allows the feeling of passion to conquer.

It was Friday night, and my animal spirit was already climbing the walls while I was trying to distract myself from boredom. Giovanni, my friend from Porto, was arriving in Brazil the next day. Still, I could not envision myself locked in that house for even a minute longer. Then, I remembered Vic was in town for work until the following week, so I messaged her. Fortunately, she already had plans and didn’t hesitate to include me.

As Uber approached my address, I was in an existential crisis, trying to find the right outfit to go out in. The temperature had dropped drastically that night, ruining my chance of wearing my strappy dress. In my haste to avoid an extra charge for the cab, I opted for the trusty old leather jacket that always delivered an elegant look without sacrificing casualness.

Upon entering the car, I noticed I had left something in my coat pocket. It was the cork Rodrigo had given me after opening the wine that night, like a souvenir. At that moment, I felt frustrated that he hadn’t contacted me since the date and vice versa. I returned the item to my pocket and focused on the outside view.

Upon arriving at the address, I immediately spotted Vic sporting a fabulous animal print coat. Yet, it wasn’t just her clothing that caught the eye. In the centre of the bar, a Drag Queen was performing a song that few knew with a monochromatic pink dress and jacket. It was Drag Night, something close to a religious experience for Vic and Pietro. Whenever they had the chance, they would gather to engage in what they do best: critique and watch RuPaul’s Drag Race.

With its richly complex decor, vibrant colours, and scattered lights, Castro Burger creates a fun atmosphere without losing the urban setting’s identity. In addition to offering food, it proposes a list of cocktails at beautiful prices. The place respects all alphabet letters and is perfect for showcasing unforgettable looks while sipping a Cosmopolitan.

After a few performances and drinks, the announcement of the new Queen was made, and everyone in the bar went wild. One thing I learned from this season finale is that nothing is lost until the last lip sync is performed. What encouraged me to believe that if I chose my words carefully, Victória would agree to go with me to an afterparty. Luckily, I didn’t have to sing or dance to achieve success.

We agreed to go to Próximo since it wasn’t far from where we were, and we were familiar with the place. As usual, the place played songs by people who hadn’t experienced the 2018 Carnival, and the bartender was in a bad mood. Still, it was the perfect spot to enjoy a Xeque-Mate cocktail and catch up on the latest events.

While talking on the deck, Vic asked me about the Country Side Boy, and I realized we hadn’t had the chance to discuss that. My date with Rodrigo had been out of the ordinary. He had treated me well, and it was one of the few times someone had taken me seriously. But after that night, I never heard from him again, and I didn’t reach out either. This made me question why finding someone willing to take the next step was so challenging.

Victória watched me closely as I spoke. When I finally finished the story, she gazed deep into my eyes, and at that moment, I knew the woman dressed in leopard print was gearing up for an attack. She took a deep breath and shared everything on her mind, concluding that a ‘next step’ was far from happening for me as I was still repeating patterns. I didn’t know how to respond. Even without being camouflaged in animal print, I had stepped into an ambush.

When discussing human instinct, we often associate it with physical needs like hunger, sleep, or carnal desires. However, intrinsic feelings and behaviours reside in the deeper layers of our being, leaving us with emotional instincts also. Thus, I couldn’t find a solution other than to wonder: Are we trapped by the primitive standards we have for ourselves?

The following day, I pushed aside thoughts leading nowhere and focused on tidying up the house to welcome my friend whom I hadn’t seen in months. I hadn’t realized how quickly time had passed and how much had occurred in a short period. Yet, it seemed like we were sitting in Virtues Square just yesterday. It felt like it belonged to another life. 

When the 1.80-meter-tall Northerner passed through my door, I jumped up, and we hugged as we used to in times past. It was incredible to have him back, and I was keen to show him as much of São Paulo as possible in less than 12 hours. We chatted a bit as I finished getting ready and set off.

That night, I planned to take Giovanni for a drink at a place offering the best postcard view of São Paulo: The Copan building. While waiting for our table at Orfeu, Giovanni and I walked through the place, and he shared a bit about his life in the past few weeks. No matter how much time passes and how many things happen, the topic that always takes centre stage is love life.

I inquired whether he was still dating the Lisboeto guy, and he uncomfortably denied it. He explained that he had been confronted by ‘Mr too settle for bullshit’ to progress the relationship to a more serious level. However, he did not desire commitment at that time, leading to their breakup. Ever since he felt caught in a cycle where every person he engaged with demanded clarity on his expectations from the relationship.

Laid out on the sidewalk in front of another bar named Dona Onça, Giovanni and I remained silent until he broke the silence, pointing to the Jaguar statue at the bar’s entrance and remarking, “At least that one’s free.” We laughed, and he embraced me. Some people simply understand us. I grabbed his arm and guided him towards the other bar.

Orfeu possesses an intimate vibe, perfect for those seeking a variety of drinks and food. Situated in the city’s heart, the place is always bustling, necessitating a wait in queue. However, this doesn’t hinder you from savouring great drinks while admiring the beauty of São Paulo.

After two Fitzgeralds and many laughs, I received a message from Vic informing me that she and Gael were at Zig Duplex and inviting me to join them later. Shortly after, I received a message from Laura confirming her presence, too. It wasn’t just a stroke of luck that evening but a special Charlie XCX night.

When we arrived at the venue, it was nearly impossible to spot anyone there. I tried calling Vic, but the phone had no signal. I then reached out to Gael, who promptly replied: We’re in the cell.” – Yes, I was already aware of that. We danced for hours until I noticed my friend had a flight in less than three hours. We bid farewell to everyone and headed home. Still under the influence of alcohol but excited about everything experienced that night, Giovanni promised to return in a few days. I asked him to recover for more adventures.

As I tidied up the clothes strewn around the apartment, aiming to avoid waking up with a hangover and regret, I grabbed my leather jacket, remembering that the cork was still in my pocket. At that moment, I felt an impulse, almost like an instinct, urging me to send a message to Rodrigo. Ignoring the late hour, I asked if he was up for going out once he was in São Paulo.

Often, we find ourselves confined by specific patterns because we lack the key to liberate ourselves from them. Other times, we may already be free but persist in caging ourselves. In one way or another, everyone has their process of liberation, whether from themselves or their concepts. However, that night, I got my cage open.

A.M.