Some years ago, I read an open letter from a Canadian who lived in Australia for a year. Throughout the text, he expresses his feelings that upon returning to his country of origin, he no longer identifies with the things that had always been part of his life. Habits and customs no longer made as much sense, and inevitably, he found himself comparing his life in Canada with that of the country on the other side of the world.

Even though his exchange was only for a year, he was transformed by stepping out of his comfort zone. He could see the opportunity to live a life where decisions and responsibilities belonged solely to him – from when he woke up until he went to bed. He had to learn to build friendships from scratch and to put more effort into maintaining them. To understand that household tasks would take up a significant portion of his routine and that if he did not go to the market, no one else would. Over time, he understood that independence comes at a high price but is worth attaining.

After a long struggle to understand himself and grow with the limitations of being an immigrant, he realised that something much greater blossomed within him. Returning to Canada, he was sure he would never feel complete in just one place. He thought that his country was where he belonged and that, eventually, he would return to Australia to revisit places and people. However, once the decision to go abroad is made, the feeling of home and belonging changes, and there will never be a perfect place again. From then on, duality would be a part of his life, but he would never regret stepping out and living something that was once just a dream.

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Moving to Portugal was not part of my plans. It happened, and I embraced it. I was still trying to understand what I would do with this opportunity at the time, as I had a strong desire to return to Europe. When I finally set foot on Portuguese soil, I felt like a new chapter was beginning.

Over nearly twelve months, I met new people, reconnected with friends, and had unique experiences. I travelled and tried new ways of living life. As always, new perspectives emerged, and gradually, time showed me the options that each path would lead me towards. It was then that I realised I had to choose my next step.

I knew that choosing to return to Brazil or stay in Portugal would come with sacrifices. So, I had to decide what I was willing to leave behind. Even though I had always dreamed of living abroad, I realised that particular desires mature over the years and may only sometimes align with what the present moment requires. At that time, I felt something greater awaited me on the other side of the ocean.

After some reflections and many internal dialogues, I sat on the plane, returning to my country. It was a little over ten hours in the air, two movies watched, and a playlist curated for the moment. In that space-time where nothing seems to exist, I realised I was not returning to what it was before. A year had passed, I had changed, and things around me have changed too. I was no longer the person I was a year ago. My luggage had grown, many perspectives had shifted, and a new desire had emerged.

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Living in other countries has shown me that I have a solid connection to where I come from. It could be the fast pace, the unspoken rules, the chaos that makes sense, or the feeling that makes you believe anything is possible. The city that never sleeps with a touch of tropical heat holds dreams that reach higher than skyscrapers.

I am back in São Paulo. And more than ever, prepared to live the city.

A.M.