For a long time, I allowed external factors to dictate the plot of my life. I let circumstances determine my next steps, seeking answers to my internal questions in the opinions of others. I believed my life would only move forward if no planet were retrograde and that it was simply “not meant to be” if something went wrong.
Passivity made it easy for me to avoid taking responsibility for my decisions and actions. It relieved me from having to deal with frustrations. However, dissatisfaction grew day by day. I kept blaming the planet’s movements; I felt uneasy living in the same situation. I didn’t want to move forward but couldn’t bear staying where I was.
Days passed, and discomfort increased. I stopped believing in my dreams and pursuing my desires. I gave up my hobbies and lost motivation. Everything became more mundane and empty. Until the day I feared the most arrived.
When I moved to Portugal, I knew I had a deadline. The opportunity to study for a year of my bachelor’s degree at a university here came with relocating to the country. Exams ended, leaving me with the choice to stay or return.
Accustomed to avoiding confrontation, I instinctively searched for signs or anything indicating the right decision. Without even considering my desires, I started questioning friends, books, oracles, and even strangers. With so many opinions and perspectives, I grew more confused and impartial. Terrified by the situation, I had to do the most challenging thing: confront myself.
Initially, it was challenging to find the way inward. Uncomfortable dealing with emotions and awakening the voice that was silenced for so long. None of this happened overnight. On the contrary, it was a process. I began by envisioning myself in both scenarios, weighing the possibilities of staying or returning to Brazil. Then, I assessed what I would sacrifice by choosing a path.
Later, as I understood the pros and cons, I could more clearly envision the future in both places. Without saying a word, I began to feel something greater inside guiding me in the direction to take. One option grew substantially, and I naturally became more excited about that persona. I saw more paths and more opportunities and found myself more.
The more I believed that was the right choice, the more I felt I was taking control of my life. I felt stronger and more determined, and I even began to see through the excuses I told myself to avoid leaving my comfort zone. Without magic or a secret formula, I figured. Now, I knew my next step and felt confident in my decision. This process showed me that nothing and no one could be more significant than myself. The choice should always come from me, aligning with my beliefs.
It took time to regain this self-confidence. However, when it happened, I realized it had firmly settled within me. The desire to do things differently grew, allowing me to pursue the dreams left behind. I remembered what was genuinely mine and set aside what belonged to others. Things would be different this time because I was doing it for myself. This time, I, not the circumstances, had decided to return to Brazil.

A.M.