On a cold night beneath the burning fireworks, it was possible to perceive a glimmer of hope for a new chapter unfolding. A start always seeds the desire to make things different or better than they currently are. Whether it be a new thought, project, or even a new habit. It is when the clock resets and the last page of the calendar departs – the promises are made.
Though nothing of what I desired was clear, I knew I was on the verge of something. Intuitively, I sensed that something was coming to an end so that something else could flourish. Nonetheless, it was too early to draw conclusions, or so I believed.
On the same night, I received a message from someone who once held great value in my life. The truth is, nothing written surprised me, but my reaction to it. In addition to perceiving that situation from a different perspective, I had a glimpse of a version of myself blossom.
A while ago, during one of those conversations where you pour your heart out completely, a dear friend of mine told me that only time could answer all the questions I was asking.
At that moment, frustration was all I could feel for lacking control over the happenings in my life. To merely await natural conclusions to unfold felt akin to being incapable of ending the suffering I held within my grasp.
Impotent and lacking solutions, I allowed time to show me whether it was capable of handling the situation.
Years passed, and more incredible things emerged on my path. I became focused on other matters and embarked on new experiences. I encountered things that resonated more with my essence, and this time, it seemed I had finally begun to comprehend who I was. This greatly facilitated the process of choosing and recognizing what I desired, and consequently, those frustrations diminished in the face of what was transpiring.
New people entered my life, broadening my worldview. I distanced myself from what no longer made sense, and those who no longer aligned with me departed. I refined my musical taste, delved into the works of new authors, and embraced art from around the world.
I altered my hairstyle, ceased painting my nails black, and abandoned overly formal attire. I journeyed thousands of miles by plane, car, or train. I garnished my body with more tattoos until I reached my limit. Poetry began to speak to me, and I eschewed using plastic bags. I resumed exercising and discovered an aversion to swimming.
I allowed myself to become intimately acquainted with my emotions and matured in how I handled them. I grasped that no time is enough and forever is an illusion.
I rearranged the placement of my plants, allowing an orchid to perish. I purchased the same lipstick I have worn for a decade, but that is because its colouring complements my face exquisitely.
And in the blink of an eye, twenty-five years fell upon me.
Upon receiving the message from someone who once held great value in my life, I was not surprised by what was written but rather by how I reacted. I would have struggled to navigate such a situation several years ago, but this time was different.
When my friend Laura said that only time brings answers, I felt like something grander was taking control of my life. However, I comprehended that time does not eradicate; it prepares us.
A new year was starting, and although uncertainty prevailed, I was confident that wise choices would be made. For now, I was convinced to embody what time had meticulously constructed.
A.M.
Sexo&Cidade 
Leave a comment