Winter arrives for everyone and often makes us question why life has become monotonous and solitary. We must cloak ourselves in various layers of different fabrics to maintain our internal warmth. The nights become more melancholic yet cosier. Even if you content yourself with long pyjamas and more space in bed, you still wonder how you can feel so alone.

I was not searching for love and did not feel the need for companionship or someone to fill my days. After all, my busy routine kept me occupied enough not to think about anything beyond the practical. However, gradually, I found myself in certain situations that made me awaken to something I had not previously considered.

When you don’t desire to venture out due to the intense cold, you yearn more for the company of friends. And there is nothing better than a dinner with more bottles of wine than time to consume them. Sitting in a corner armchair, I listened to my friend’s most iconic stories. This made me question how someone so meticulous about personal hygiene can succumb to a small favour in the dirty restroom of a questionable bar. Even with the presence of everyone there, a part of the audience was out of sync and more comfortable with their peers, which made them isolate themselves in their private world.

At that moment, I could perceive a fine line between single individuals and those in relationships. It was not like we were different or belonged to opposing worlds, but a distinct behaviour existed. Something in the subconscious that brutally brought discomfort. This made me question whether I should reduce my wine intake, or perhaps I was not ready to accept the fact that I was on the side of those who enjoyed phallic tales and complex experiences.

Regardless of the situation, the feeling was valid, and I only wondered when the group of friends had become divided between singles and those in relationships.

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A few days after the incident had passed, I felt that I had digested my thoughts. Until an invitation for a new gathering among friends arrived and, unprepared, I found myself in the same situation of having to share the table with couples and singles.

Upon arriving at Aduela, a bar that is always bustling. Regardless of the hour, the weather, or the occasion, you always find groups of people occupying every corner. Mentally prepared to stand all night, I was surprised when I arrived and saw everyone seated at a table on the sidewalk. I felt it would be a lucky day.

The people there were the same as always. However, it didn’t take long for their familiar and unfamiliar partners to join the table. I don’t know if it was the intensity of the cold nights or if the Moon was making some astrological aspect with Venus, but everyone there was accompanied, except for me and my friend Sarah.

Between one drink and another, I grew accustomed to the new configuration of the group of friends, but the fact that they were not single made me feel insecure. When I shared what had happened within a week, I wondered if my stories were too absurd for the environment or if I was merely suppressing myself with an idea of how I should behave.

Regardless of what I felt, the conversation continued, and many times, I could feel that I was surrounded by friends, which comforted me to the point of feeling that, in truth, there is room for everyone.

As time passed, things grew more intimate and naturally, some people disconnected from the environment to pursue something more private, progressively leading them to leave. It didn’t take long for the night to grow even colder and for everyone to feel it was time to leave.

As I bid farewell to everyone, Sarah asked if I would be willing to share an Uber with her, and through this act, I learned an advantage of not being single. We got into the car, and it didn’t take long for her to pour out everything she was questioning. Relieved that it wasn’t just me, I let her tell me what was troubling her.

In addition to feeling lost because everyone was in a relationship, she wondered about the model she would want to have. Contrary to what I had thought, what bothered her wasn’t whether or not she was single but how people tend to forget that they once were, too. However, instead, they begin to adopt all the first-person plural expressions.

As I got out of the car, I said bye to Sarah and hurried inside. It was almost four degrees in Porto, and I was unprepared for it. I took off my shoes and ran to my room. As I covered myself with the comforters, I discovered another advantage of being in a relationship.

However, on that night, I understood that for every single person, there is a heater.

A.M.